


Gaydar

by Caroaimezoe



Series: Raph's and Casey's drunk tales **hiatus** [2]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Homophobic Language, M/M, ninja squares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:15:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caroaimezoe/pseuds/Caroaimezoe
Summary: Casey's gaydar had been turned on and he wants to prove he is right. Villain 2012-Hun for NinjaSquares
Series: Raph's and Casey's drunk tales **hiatus** [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797076
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Gaydar

**Author's Note:**

> No beta. Hun 2012 had been suggested by Hummerhouse. There not that much to say about him hence this story about Hun, without Hun.

_[ ](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/436676411936210944/710997416815624253/Hun_Licking_Puck1.gif) _

_This story is set somewhere in the season 3 after Casey Jones and the underworld. I needed Hun 2012, but imagine the turtles and Casey four-five years older-and with all their teeth._

* * *

“Are you drinking because of Hun kicked your ass again?” Raph sneered. They were on a rooftop and it was a warm night in June. “Be grateful there was about only us and that no thug would tell about Casey Jones losing his touch.”

Casey glared at him over the rim of his can. 

“Fuck you. You would have been the same if he had pulled out the same shit on you!” Casey snarled bitterly. “This...was such a cheap shot!” he stammered, taking a large gulp. 

Raphael gave him an unimpressed look. 

“Pfff. There no way this guy could have pull something to throw me off from my game.” He took a swing of the beer and cast a mocking smirk. “He is just a show-off. I’m used to those, but well, at least this old Fearless doesn’t scream like a girl at each fancy kick.”

“This is what it’s about!” Casey wiped his mouth, wet from beer foam. “This...ugh. You can’t understand it. You don’t have a dick!”

Raph choked on his beer and went into a coughing fit. When he was about to speak again, his green eyes were gleaming. 

“Da fuck my dick have to do with anything?” he asked to know. “And for the record, I have one, much bigger than anything you could dream off!”

“If you don’t use it, it’s all the same as if you don’t have one,” Casey declared with the stubbornness of the more than tipsy people. “Forget it, I said, you wouldn’t understand.”

“If you want me to forget about it, stop ranting about this guy.” It was apparent that Raph was now annoyed; annoyed about to snap. The comment about him not using his cock had got under his skin. It wasn’t the first time Casey brought this up and each time, Raph was incensed. Was it his fault if there were no cute mutant to mate with? The only one he knew out of his brother wanted to kill him. “You got thrashed by the guy. End of the story.”

It was pure payback to Casey for having it rubbed in Raph’s face that he was a virgin for life, but Cased decided he had been insulted. 

“Fuck you, dude! I told ya! He fucking…” Casey has a hard time explaining himself. It wasn’t any news that Casey Jones struggled with his words. As Donnie put it, he wouldn’t be on any Pulitzer list any time soon. But to see Casey that upset was starting to make Raph more curious than annoyed. His silence encouraged Casey Jones. “It was like he fucking tried to seduce me!” he finally burst. “He...if you had seen him licking my puck like it was a pussy clit.”

Casey stared down, disturbed and Raph stayed speechless a full thirty seconds before snickering.

“What? Seriously? Come on, it’s a guy!”

“So what!” Casey retorted. “There gay people! If you had a dick, you would know!”

“You starting to piss me off with this dick story!” Raph barked, now riled up. Alcohol was either making him mellow or more easily angered. Look like tonight would be one of these nights. “I had one and next comment you made about this, I would slap you with!”

But suddenly, Casey looked truly miserable and Raph’s anger dimmed a bit.

“Man, maybe you’re right. I’m overreacting.” Casey ran his hand down his face. “But I swear, man, he gave me this look while licking my puck and it’s distracted me, cause it was so unexpected and shit…” He threw away the empty beer can and opened another one. It was probably his seventh one, but Raph wasn’t his mommy to tell him to slow down. This was good for the goody-two-shoes like Leo. Anyway, he didn’t want to get pointed out he drank five himself. “I have never been good with gay peep. I have nothing against them.” Casey raised his hands. “But I don’t want anything to do with their team. They got enough players like that! No need to lust over my ass!”

Raph stared. Alcohol was now blurring his mind a little. Whatever Casey was saying, Raph felt it was more an excuse to explain while he got beaten up by the new Purple Dragon leader. He opened a new can himself and gulped it down before continuing to tease Casey. For someone as susceptible as Raph was, it was highly entertaining. 

“So what you are saying,” he stuttered, “it’s that you think this Hun guy is gay? And your only proof for that is that he licked your hockey puck?”

Casey shook his head.

“You said it yourself, man! He screams like a girl! And what about those too-tight pants of his? A real man doesn’t wear that kind of shit!”

Raph raised an eye-ridge. Casey’s trouble was too funny.

“Well, Batman has. You can’t deny he is manly with all those models he banged,” he said, winking.

“Batman isn’t real, it’s not the same.” Casey put down his beer can, staring intensely at Raph. “It’s not only the pants. Did you see the flashy necklace he got? And what about we can see that much of his chest, to begin with!” Casey seemed about to pour acid in his eyes to unseen the memory burn in his brain. “I ain’t signed vigilant for this kind of shit!”

Raph pondered about it. He didn’t pay that much attention to the new Purple Dragon leader and have no opinion about him. He was a bad guy and that’s all. But now, he saw in the guy a potential: something he could use to make fun of Casey like Casey had made fun of him who could never get laid.

“Ask your bro! I’m sure he noticed, him! Anyway, there no explanation I can’t give to you! This is my gaydar speaking!”

As if Leo was so great that he could determine Hun sexual orientation was fighting for his life with the Shredder. It’s pissed Raph off to no end when Casey implied his eldest brother was better than him. Was he not supposed to side with him, since they were buddies?

“Okay, the guy is flashy. I give this to you,” Raph admitted to show he wasn’t an unreasonable asshole and could give some credit to Casey’s drunk nonsense. But I’m saying you’re making this up. Fairy or not, this guy beat you fair and square and you’re only looking for an excuse!” Raphael grinned. He was now about as shit-faced as Casey. “I’m saying if you got no better proof than this, that he is after your ass, you’re the sissy one.”

In Casey Jones's gaze, the gleam of the challenge lite up. 

“Let break the Purple Dragon’s lair!”

***

To go on a solo mission wasn’t new for Raph and Casey. They both see in each other a reliable and also understanding partner. If Raph lost his shit and went all rampage, it wouldn’t be Casey who would judge him. It was a pleasant change from going on a mission with Leonardo, the bossy bitch on a high horse. If Fearless had been there, he would have told some shit about Raph being drunk as a stunk. He wasn’t that drunk, and Casey neither and he landed with not too much noise in the alley next to the Purple Dragon’s lair. 

“What is the plan?” Casey asked, his voice slurred, while they watched the two goons watching the gate.

Being the plan guy wasn’t Raph’s department. But someone relyed on him to be, for once and there was no way Raph would be disappointing. He would show Casey that using his dick or not wasn’t making a big difference. 

“I say we sneak into his bedroom. I mean, if there are pieces of evidence, they should be there. This is where guy hide their naughty stuff, right?”

Casey giggled about it was right for anybody but Raph, since he had nothing to hide. 

“I should drop your sorry, loser ass there,” Raph muttered. “I will tell you once, so mark my words. I jerk off every morning like everybody else.”

Casey chuckled.  
“Not everybody. What I say it’s that after we got the proof Hun is gay, we gonna search your big bro room. If there a dickless guy, it’s him!”

At this, Raph agreed and for a moment, they forgot their objective of the night and laugh about the Fearless Leader not knowing the color of his own dick, probably.

“I won’t go that far, he is a kind of neat freak,” Raph explained. “So I’m sure he washes it, but it’s the only action the poor thing could hope in its lifetime. He had the sex drive of an incense burner.”

They continued to mock Leo’s habits for a moment. It was another reason that was making them making along. Everyone in Raph’s family was siding with this jerk, anytime. 

“Anyway, enough fun, let go down to the business now,” Raph said, very pleased with the fact he was calling the shot. “I bet his bedroom is upstairs, like there.” Raph pointed a window on the fourth floor. “So we can climb the next building rooftop and then, jump on this one. Then, we slide to this balcony over there, on the second floor. I have my climbing claws. We're lucky, it's warm so the window is open.”

Casey nodded, it seemed a good plan and they did as Raph told. Everything was going smoothly and they had made it to the balcony from the second floor. From the opened window, they could hear some moan and groan and they nudged each other while grinning.

“You got only a pair of climbing claws. Who’s gonna climb there?” Casey asked. 

“You are! This is your fight!” Raph declared. “I’m gonna watch your back from here. But be sure to have real evidence or I will call you Cassie until your last day!”

With a scoff, Casey put on the climbing claws and started his ascension while Raph watched him. Raphael didn't want to go and see whatever was happening there. Then, he would be tenfold upset to have to jerk off alone later. Casey was out of sight for about five minutes and Raph was about to get bored when suddenly, Casey almost jumped out the window and get his skull smashed on the pavement if Raph didn’t have the reflex to grab him. 

“What’s the fuck, Case!” he hissed lowly. "What did you see?" But Casey just gazed at him as the lube bottle he had taken as evidence dropped two stories below, at the feet of Hun’s goons. Alerted, they pulled out their gun and started shooting at them. Raph sobered up immediately in front of the danger. There was no way the fight against guns, for such a trivial reason than getting caught spying on Hun’s sex habit, and Raph started to run and jump. But it was like Casey’s legs weren’t supporting him anymore as they were boiled spaghetti. It was so bad, that Casey tripped, strained his ankle and Raph had to piggyback him to the lair. In the sewers, just before they get home, Raph cursed Casey lameness.

“You should stop drinking man if you can’t even run straight!” he huffed, pissed they had to flee, but also kind of relieved that it didn’t end to much badly. If one of them had got a bullet, Leo would never have let him live down and would have forced on him one of these sobriety monitor bracelets. They were now in the lair and Raph landed Casey on the couch. He was tired, feeling heavy and drained because of the alcohol still running in his bloodstream, although he had all his mind. "What did you see? Was he fucking the shit of another guy?"

Casey stammered something that sounded like he saw nothing at all. All this trouble for damn nothing! But what about the moans, then?

“You and your gaydar...” Raph snorted, kind of angry at himself. “Don’t dare to pretend that lube is evidence,” he continued in a low voice. It was already miraculous Fearless wasn’t waiting for giving him a lecture. He didn’t want to wake him up. He would walk to the lab and got some tape or bandage for Casey. If Don was awake-and he probably was- he would ask him to check over Casey. Damn, why he was friend with such a moron? “You could mock me about my useless cock, but I know lube could be used with a woman or solo! Don’t you see anything more interesting?” Maybe there was something they could use against the Dragon Purple. They went far in the enemy lair and perhaps something was giving a hint about future mischief. So this night would not have been an absolute fail. 

Casey just stared at him with wide eyes and a frightened expression.

“I won’t ever mock your dick. Just never use it on me!”

Raph shrugged. As if it would happen. He wasn’t impressed by Casey’s apology. Casey was feeling remorseful because they almost went in deep shit for his nonsense about Hun being lusting for his ass. Now, Casey understood he had been delusional and paranoid and was ashamed. Maybe Don was right when he called Casey a macho moronic caveman, even if Raph knew Don was doing so because he was a jealous son of a bitch.

“I’m going to get something for your ankle. Just stay there,” Raph sighed. 

“Please man, just call April. She’s gonna fetch me and she will do it. I don’t want to bother Donnie. It’s the middle of the night and all…” Casey chuckled awkwardly. “Just call my girlfriend!” he insisted.

Never Casey called April his girlfriend, but Raph told himself it was legit she was. There was something off about his friend, but he decided he didn’t care. Now he was done with Casey shit and just wanted to go into bed and forgot about this nonsense. While cursing about Casey should have told him before he wanted April that badly, so Raph would have dropped him there, he called April. 

As this name was enough to compel Don out of the lab, the genius walked in and despite his scowl recognizing Casey, he accepted to check on the ankle.   
“Don’t tell me how it’s happened,” Don exclaimed, waving his hand, when he was done bandaging. “I really don’t want to know. I guess both of you just get plastered and despite your intoxication decided to pick a fight with the first thug you met.”

It wasn’t far from the truth and so Raph didn’t deny it. 

“I swear if Leo hears from this…” Don muttered.

“Leo what?” In front of them, the leader had appeared, in full gear. “What this too-late in night ruckus is about?” he asked coldly. 

“Where are you coming from yourself?” Raph attacked. “I bet you were looking for me, you mother hen! I told you until I got blue in the face that Casey and I didn’t need you…” 

“Chill out, dude,” Casey mumbled. His face was flushed like he was feverish. “Leo was just worried for you, that’s all. But he is right, it’s fuck.. it’s very late. At the moment April arrives I’m off!”

A few minutes later, April arrived and, with a sigh of exasperation, helped Casey to walk home. Don watched them leave, muttering about how April has no future with such a drunkard. 

Tonight Raph was too exhausted to defend Casey’s honor. He just wanted to sneak into his room, but Leo’s steely-eyed look pinned him right there.

“Where were you?”

“Well, it’s a funny story about Casey’s so-called gaydar,” Raph started. To the hell with this. Raph had nothing to hide. He wasn’t the fool who had made up scenarios; Casey was. “And he was crawling under my skin so much about us being doomed to jerk off…” Leo raised and eye ridge but encouraged by the leader’s attention, he told Leo the whole story, hoping to spare himself some lecture if he was honest. He was sure at many places from his story, Leo would object to something and comment about how silly Casey was. But Leo listened to the whole story with a straight face. 

“So, according to Casey if one day you are into a bad position with this jackass of Hun, you can get you out of there by grabbing his dick,” Raph tries to joke to lighten the atmosphere. 

Leo had a snicker.

“If all this stupid escapade was to give me this cue or to know if Hun was gay or not, you could have spared you a lot of trouble and ask me. He is.” Leo folded his arm, with this look that makes sweat walls. “You can tell your friend that he is playing bottom, has very sensitive nipples, love prostate play and he isn’t interested in Casey a bit,” Leonardo enumerated. “He probably messed with him because it’s obvious Casey has muscle and a rough technique but a weak mind. If something as mild as a lustful face is enough to thrown Casey off, he shouldn’t stop pretending to be this bold hero he tried to be.”

To this, Raph has nothing to retort, very impressed by Leo’s skills to read people. It’s must be a leader thing, he supposed, even if he had no idea about how in the heat of the fight against Shredder Leo could have guessed Hun had sensitive nipples. On what observation did he make this statement? Maybe it was because of the tattooed chest? And what about this prostate thing? Raph wasn’t even sure where this thing was and what it was supposed to feel. But Leo was a guy who studied a lot about body language and so, Raph decided it must be true. Anyway, Leo wasn’t a guy who messes with people. He was far too serious for that. It was still very troubling to hear sex-related words coming from the noble leader’s mouth.

Leo smirked.

“Go to sleep. Thinking that much could hurt you,” he mocked, but with genuine amusement.

Raphael decided to not push his luck and go to sleep. He didn’t get lectured at all. He was about to reach his room when Leo called him a last time. Raph turned his head, hoping Leo didn’t decide he would get grounded or something. He wasn’t feeling like fighting. In the dark hall, he got a glimpse of Leo’s smile. 

“Next time, Casey tease you about being us doomed to be celibate, just tell me. I’m sure I could convince him to stop.” The leader’s smile stretched. “Chase those grim thoughts. Victory comes from finding opportunities in problems," he quoted. "Good night, Raphael.”

Raph didn’t reply and dropped in his bed. He doubted Leo could make Casey stop, well not for forever. Casey had to much fun rubbing it in his face. But Raph would never let live him down how much an idiot Casey had been tonight, that was for sure. He dropped down in his palm and gave a few pulls on his cock, before deciding he was too tired. The mutant wished Casey was right and he had no dick. Indeed, what was the point to have those urges he couldn’t soothe? Damn, it wasn’t Leo who tossed in his bed, craving for some body heat. And this is why Casey wouldn’t be impressed a bit about Leo the monk’s speech. Leo could be an ace about spotting people weak and strong spots, the poor guy has no game. 


End file.
